Reindeer and Lucia: smells like X-mas

One week to Christmas eve. The Christmas fairy (if there is any,…?) must have hit me this year, I feel very jingling and dingling and below are just  two examples:

I made a reindeer and gave it to my sister. I stung myself with the needle several times but it was obviously worth all pain. Mr Reindeer is beautiful and enjoys staying under the electric candles in Katarina and Johan’s appartment:

I organised the diploma workers’ traditional Lucia show at the department where I write my diploma thesis at Chalmers. Carla is my new friend from Barcelona and she was a gorgeous Lucia!

Ends and beginnings

Almost a year since last post. I didn’t remember my wordpress password today so I had to create a new one(it has happened several times). However, I am here now.

I am the manager of this year’s Lucia show at the Department of Applied Surface Chemistry, where I do my diploma work. I am not sure it is fair to call it a show; we are some diploma workers (three from Sweden and four foreign students from China, India and Spain) who will try perform some traditional Lucia songs. I put one song with lyrics in English in the song list, to give the foreign students a chance.

Anyway, it feels good to have a little project, like the Lucia performance to think about, when thinking about the bigger project (my diploma thesis) gets tough. I am in the phase were I am supposed to sum up all my findings from the last months’ experimental work and write something clever…it puts quite some pressure on me. But soon enough the stress will probably force me to write just anything, and I guess that’s better than this “waiting for good ideas to come”-state that I seem to be in. January 5th is the Day for My Presentation. The week after that I start to work in Stockholm again. This means I have only a few weeks left in school. It is the end of a big chapter of my life… And the beginning of a new one!

Christmas Holidays

Strange feeling, suddenly three almost unmanageable exams passed by in five days. Just like that. And I don’t think i failed. (I touch wood…)
And now: Christmas Holidays. For six week I am released to do whatever I want to do (which is a funny way to put it since I am free to do whatever I want to do almost all the time. I actually choose to go to school. For nineteen years, every day, I choose to go to school. )

I feel a slight bitterness towards all the people; teachers and relatives, who encoureged me to keep on managing well in school, like that was all there was to life. It was never much of a struggle but society has kept giving me the signal that what i am doing is good and worthful. It makes me a worthy citizen. Right now it feels like all i have been doing is pushing the real thing a little further in front of me… and now it is time to face it (for a while). I am going to test if I can manage real life, if I really AM a worthy citizen. It scares me. And excites me.

Lady Soul

I am going to start listening to music again! During the last years, I have gradually turned to a passive listener, not caring much about what I hear, as long as it isn’t REALLY BAD. The days when looking for new, unknown bands and recording mix tapes were everyday activities are definitely gone and I don’t expect or wish to get them back- they belong to another part of life- but I will listen more selectively!

I start up rather softly with listening to P3 Soul since I’ve found out that soul music can be really good and that I need to explore it further! If I do any nice findings, I’ll tell!

Summer’s gone

It’s not like I’m surprised or so. Another summer has gone by, just like that, and what have I been doing? Well, that question could easily be replaced by What have I been thinking? ‘Cause thinking is what I do, rather than actually doing. I ‘ve been thinking about shopping, travelling, working, writing and partying. I’ve actually done some of those things during the summer, but, as always, I wish to do more. I guess that’s part of who I am. Always looking for more.

Damn I’m good!

47,5 out of 50 on the last exam! Can’t help being this annoyingly proud of myself today…guess the feeling will fade away rather quickly as usual bur I’ll stick to it as long as I can.

Shop-a-holic

I’ve been there again. In the city, walking around in the shops and department stores, looking at things and people, looking for nothing. I usually have some kind of excuse for going there. Today I had to hand in a video that I watched last night. I can’t say that I enjoy it but still I keep doing it. Walking from store to store, without a special goal. Sometimes I buy something small, but most of the time I just try to sort the impressions. I don’t need anything but I wan’t everything. I get inspired and I get disillusioned. Signs and ads and people, they’re all trying to talk to me. Buy one, get one free, try something new, support the help organisation… There are som many things I didn’t even know I needed. There are so many choices, and I end up with nothing. That’s how I handle choices most of the time: I don’t choose at all.

Growing pains

My first week off this summer. Visiting family turned out to be a good idea. Nothing special happened, but leaving Gothenburg immediately after finishing work made the relaxation come sooner than it usually does when I stay at home. But, as usual, June is a month full of doubts and confusion. I am back now, can’t sleep, millions of thoughts run through my head but I can’t catch any of them. Free time means time to think means no good…
Is there a thing called “25 year crisis”? If not, I think I just invented it.

Weather report

Tired. I am very tired. As soon as I sit down and do nothing, I am close to falling asleep. Last week I was anything but tired. Woke up early with tons of energy. I think my tiredness is weather induced. Today has been rather hot but not in a nice way—I am waiting for a major thunderstorm to wash the dust away from the city and me. It would freshen everything up and make me see things clearer. I think it’s on its way, dark clouds are growing above Ullevi, waiting to let go of all old doubts. I look forward to it with excitement!

Candy sucks

I just emptied a candy bag. Somehow, it never seems to give you the feeling of satisfaction that you expected when you bought it. You just end up with a sticky taste of sugar and unidentified chemicals in your mouth, and maybe a sugar shock as well. So why do i keep eating all this candy?
I am addicted. It is not that bad, I can keep it down to once or twice a week if I try.
Candy is a substitute for almost anything. It doesn’t make you that happy but it keeps you busy for a while, chewing and choosing among the coloured jelly animals. It makes you care about something less serious than your ordinary doubts and troubles. It’s just you and the candy bag. Noone can ruin what you have.
Right now, I don’t have the slightest need for candy. I don’t even like candy right now.
But that will probably change pretty soon.